thelawofdharma

Training Log – The Road from Over-fat to fat(?)…FIT! 

Monday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence

Tuesday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence, Guided Meditation

Wednesday: 5km run, Guided Meditation

Thursday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence

Friday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence

Saturday: Guided Meditation

Sunday: 5 km run, Guided Meditation

working hard: I had to try to capture the extent to which I got a "sweat on"

working hard: same day, different angle

working hard: different day, front of the T

working hard: the same different day, back of the T

My Favourite Post-workout Lunch: Pan's Nicoise Salad

Observations – Community

I’ve always wanted to live somewhere where there is a strong sense of community; to be a part of something.  When I moved to Chelsea, I had hoped that I would find that sense of community. Unfortunately, I realized, too late, that in my neighbour a single woman with no kids wasn’t someone who would be accepted with open arms. I also realized that if I didn’t ski, mountain bike, or embrace some kind of activity that Chelsea is known for, I would never be a part of a community in the town I had so hoped to make my home.

Moving to a new city has made me long for community even more.  Since my Chelsea days I’ve thankfully learnt that no one is going to show up at my door with a welcome package. Now, in a time when people tend to live very insular lives, if you want to be a part of something, you have to work at it. So, I’m working at it. So far, I’ve managed to “scare” only a few people with my enthusiasm as I chat them up.  Being new at this, my techniques are far from subtle.

This weekend I was introduced to Southern Ontario’s amateur boxing community when I attended the Brampton Cup. Not only was I really excited to watch some amateur fights, I was eager to see whether or not “seeing it” would validate or deter my own desire to fight.  By the end, I was so impressed by the level of class and sportsmanship displayed by all those involved that I was more determined that one day I would have my chance to stand on the canvas and prove my mettle.

This face will guarantee that I WILL NOT be accepted into the boxing community...This is the face that I plan on making when I knock'em out and say, "You've been served!"

This week I’ve continued to work on my meditation practice by slowly going through the talks by Gil Fronsdal that I downloaded from Audio Dharma: Guided Meditations.

Did you know that there are many types of meditation? I didn’t. I recently discovered that saying, “I meditate” is like saying, “I play sport.” So I guess I should clarify, I’m learning to practice mindful meditation just like I’m learning to box.

Listening to Fronsdal is wonderful and I’ve learnt a lot. I could listen to him for hours even with his tendency to smack. At first, hearing the sound “muah” every three sentences tested my patience and made me want to talk smack to Fronsdal. “Yo, Fronsdal, your mother is so fat she needs her own temple to be mindful in. Now I’m going to punch your dry-smacking-mouth wet!” Like singing, talking smack is clearly not one of my unique talents. Eventually, I moved away from these thoughts and placed my attention elsewhere…

This week I practiced being mindful of my body and doing so without listening to my internal “commentator”. According to Fronsdal, each of us has our own internal commentator whose job description is similar to that of a sports commentator. Like calling plays and adding excitement to the game, our internal commentator adds judgements, establishes relationships and tells us whether we are for or against the experience we are having.

To be mindful, I need to see the difference between the experience and the commentary. Like most, I believe that the commentary is actually a part of the experience; it isn’t. I need to mute the commentary and see the experience for what it really is. I need to let my attention stay with the experience. Again, this makes sense to me; it’s just the implementation that’s proving to be difficult.

You see, my internal commentator is one persistent bitch. Over the last two guided meditations, I’ve tried to “let go” of the commentary as I paid attention to my breathing or to my body. And it would work for a while, but only for a while. Now while the blog has been a great source of comfort to me, it is also totally cock-blocking my mindfulness. I estimate that “blog-think” is 85% of my internal commentary. When I’m trying to pay attention to my breathing or to my body, I end up thinking about how I will write about how I couldn’t pay attention to my breathing or body. Really?! Are you shitting me?! I need to shh the “blog-think”!

“SHH!”

In the Week in Review posts, I’m going to outline my training for the week and any overall observations I’ve had as I work towards discovering my dharma. 

Training Log – The Road from Over-fat to fat(?)…FIT! 

Monday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence

Tuesday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence

Wednesday: 5km run

Thursday:  Conrad’s Boot Camp: sprinting and core work, Fight Fit – Training with Terence

Friday:  3km run, Fight Fit – Training with Terence, Guided Meditation

Saturday: 5 km run

Sunday: 5 km run, Guided Meditation

after glow

Observations – Everything is going to be all right 

I’m realizing that to be at peace with myself, I can’t fight against my day – my reality. I need to trust that everything is going to be all right and that the challenges put before me are opportunities to learn and grow.

While I agree that “all the world’s a stage”, I no longer think that it (life) can be compared to a boxing ring. I will move, dance and glide like a fighter, but I won’t react to the punches thrown at me by ducking and weaving nor will I throw any punches back. I will just be, accept and learn. In life, I will be a courageous, peaceful warrior.

In the ring, I will be a fierce fighter. I will be in the present and true to the task at hand. I will push myself physically and mentally so that I can beat my opponent. I will attend to my body and mind and I’ll accept my tiredness and perhaps even fear, but I won’t react to either of them.

In both life and the ring, everything is going to be all right as long as I train, settle and calm my body and my mind.

life is good: especially on Chris' Birthday

My adorable nieces - Bronwyn and Hannah

this is the face I make when I meditate

Since Wednesday I’ve been working on adding meditation to my training schedule. First, I did some research. Actually, I should qualify that; I did a tiny bit of research. I wanted to get an online resource that was credible and that spoke to me; it just so happened that this came about almost immediately. On the first page of my search for guided meditations, the fifth result was a link to Audio Dharma: Guided Meditations. I was gobsmacked and thought “Are you shitting me?!” Then I clicked on the link and in short order knew that this was where my meditation training would start to take shape.

Audio Dharma is an archive of dharma talks given by various speakers from the Insight Meditation Centre. After perusing the list of talks, I downloaded several by Gil Fronsdal.

In a series of talks introducing people to meditation, Fronsdal describes meditation as the act of being present and, to do so, practitioners need to train, settle and calm the mind. This makes sense to me. I can do this; I will train, settle and calm my mind.

During meditation we should attend to our experience. And if that experience is not being able to be present, as long as we are in a state of attending to that experience we are not failing. Perfect, there’s no way to fail, I can really do this!

So, given all this, I can honestly say that my first attempt at a guided mediation was a success. Here’s what I recall of my first experience.

My Inner Dialogue:

-I can do this, breathing, how hard is that?

-breathe in, breathe out

-in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out

-I’m good at this, breathe in, breathe out, in, out…

-okay, now I have to be mindful of what is happening to my body as I breathe…

-this feels good, my neck and shoulders are relaxed, and my arms are comfortable

-my stomach is pulled in like I’m pulling my belly button to my spine. What? Gil wants me to relax my stomach? How do you do that when you’re sitting up straight? Okay, let it go, Tracey. Let the Buddha belly out. Let it out. You can do it. Breathe in and breathe out the gut…agh… this feels pretty good…

-breathe in, breathe out

-in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out

-I feel like I’m pulsating with each breath, like in the Matrix when Neo realizes that he is “The One”

-in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out

-The Matrix is such an amazing movie; I’m so Neo right now

-in, out, in, out, in, out, in, out

-I’m totally going to put this in my blog…